How To Heal Your Life
We’ve all been there; down in the trenches in life. Bruised and battered mentally and emotionally, consumed with pain and despair, angry with God for some reason or another. Your life wasn’t meant to be so tough, but what can you do about it? You can heal your life.
I’ve been on a quest to heal my life since I was 20 years old. My shelves are flooded with books regarding self-help, spirituality, holistic wellness, new age, and aesthetics. For 18 years I’ve read everything I could on the subject of healing, and having practiced different modalities of healing, I’ve always wondered why most things didn’t work or why I didn’t stick with it. I’ve finally found the answer to that.
The first key to healing your life is overcoming your low self-esteem.
What is self-worth? It’s lack of confidence in yourself to where you feel unlovable, fragile, incompetent, and harbour feelings of guilt and shame.
I’ve realized that most people don’t stick with new daily routines because we have such low self esteem. Consciously or subconsciously, we feel we don’t deserve it.
Let’s say, for example, that you want to lose weight. You try every program out there, sometimes it works for a while then you notice yourself start to procrastinate until finally you stop doing it altogether. You feel like a failure and go back to your old routine of eating whatever you like. Then something motivates you to try again and the yo-yo affect begins again. Don’t you ever wonder why sometimes certain diets work for some people and not others? It’s because some people will realize that they deserve to look and feel their best, a light bulb is switched on and they will succeed in their goal.
You must realize that you are the most important person in your life. You must take care of yourself first, so you have the strength and capacity to take care of others and the first step is to develop your self-confidence.
Do you realize how special you are as human being? To understand that you were uniquely created and that there will never be anyone quite like you again… ever. That makes every soul here on this earthly plane very precious.
Letting Go of Anger
The second key to healing your life is letting go of the feelings of anger, hurt, resentment, guilt and shame. Let go of those heavy emotions that are weighing you down or you will never move forward.
The causes of low self-esteem are plentiful and come from many life situations. Some examples are abuse, PTSD and trauma. I’ve heard countless times, and I myself have said, “But you don’t know what I’ve been through,” when really that’s the reason for why we are stuck and we think it validates why we hold on to anger, frustration, guilt and shame.
In my teens and twenties, I was holistically unhealthy and struggled with addiction. I had tremendously low self-worth. I thought I was happy partying because it made me feel free and that was fun to me. When I would party I was funnier, more out-going, more rebellious, more reckless, more spontaneous, made new friends quickly and I loved it. When I was sober, the flashbacks of my own personal traumas, abuse, guilt and shame would hit me with full force. It seemed like the world was rushing all around me until my ears and eyes would start to hurt. So I would party again to cope, thinking to myself that there was nothing wrong with that.
When my family would question my choices, I would lash out at them and use that famous excuse, “But you don’t know what I’ve been through,” and they would leave me alone for a while.
We need to stop these cycles of self-abuse. I’ve carried such heavy feelings most of my life because of childhood trauma and until I realized it was the root cause of my addictions. I’ve also realized that I couldn’t hold on to those feeling anymore because the only person they hurt is myself. We think we’re making someone suffer with our anger, when we are the only ones suffering. We can’t control what other people say or do, but we can control what we say and do. Don’t let the actions of others hold that much power over your life. No one holds your power; only you. You have the power to release and let go.
The third key is to adjust you’re way of thinking about negative life situations.
One day I heard something that stopped me dead in my tracks and forced me to view my life in an entirely different manner:
“Life is not what we’ve been through, it’s how we deal with it.”
How could I have not realized this before? I felt like holding my emotional-self by the shoulders, slapping her across the face while sternly saying “Snap out of it!” That was it. That was the another step to healing my life. I had to let go of the excuses and the self-pity and adjust my behaviour to life’s circumstance.
We have all experienced many negative things in our lives. Something so trivial to one person may mean the end of the world to another. It’s how they perceive their world. Perception is reality. Don’t discount or disregard somebody’s personal struggle because it feels inconsequential to you. That’s where they are in their life-learning experience. It’s real to them.
Life experience can be the toughest and most stressful things we encounter. Why do we go through such trial and tribulations? I believe that it’s to gain insight and knowledge so our soul elevates to another vibrational level. That belief has helped me take a step back from a negative situation and think to myself, ok, the only important thing is how am I going to deal with it?
So how should we act when life throws us a curve ball? We must develop, learn and use the strengths of dignity, integrity, respect, compassion and virtue.
Quiet The Negative Inner-Voice
“Nobody likes you”
“You’ll never succeed”
“Everyone is laughing behind your back”
These are the ramblings of your very own inner-critic. The fourth key is that you must be willing to challenge negative thoughts every time they stand in your way. Argue with them if need-be.
Counter the above statements with:
“Why do you think I’m stupid when I graduated from __________?”
“Actually, a lot of people like me, and here’s a few examples…”
“I have succeeded and passed so many milestones in my life and will continue to!”
“Who cares what other people think about me anyway?”
Eventually, your inner-critic will grow quiet and their ramblings will become few and far-between. This will open up your mind to more positive thinking and more self-worth.
This world feels like its spinning around like a pinwheel and we often feel like we have to remain busy every moment of our lives to feel like we’ve accomplished something. That shouldn’t be the case.
The fifth key is to give yourself time to practice self-love.
How you do that is to provide balance to all areas of your life- physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Carve out time to focus on yourself even if you have to add it to your daily planner.
Don’t waste your life slaving away at a job, putting your family and your time to yourself on the back burner. Find things you love to do and focus on them and you will start to feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Give Yourself A Makeover
When we already have such a low self-worth it tends to show in our appearance. If you wear sweatpants, baggy or dirty clothes, have unkept or grey hair, have missing or unbrushed yellow teeth, are over-weight, un-showered, have dry, dull skin, then naturally you will continue to feel down in the dumps.
The sixth key is to put some effort into how you present yourself in this physical world and will help you start to exude self-confidence.
Time for a makeover!
Some things you can try are:
- Find an exercise routine that you love and the endorphins will physically make you happier and less depressed
- Start eating clean with less preservatives, sugars and simple carbs and more fruits and vegetables
- Meditate on a daily basis, even if it’s just for 5 minutes and it will help with anxiety
- Try yoga to become more balanced and flexible
- Learn to apply makeup, even if it’s a natural look you want
- Get a new haircut and style to match your facial structure
- Get a manicure, pedicure and massage and feel pampered for once
- Buy a new form-fitting outfit and get alterations to personalize it
- Visit the dentist office regularly, replace any missing teeth and get them whitened
- Visit a medi-spa for a free consultation and learn about treatments like botox, filler, laser rejuvenation, body contouring, chemical peel or vitamin-infused facials
If you take time and put yourself first, then you will be beaming from head to toe! When you look good, you feel good. It’s like the law of attraction. People will stop to ask you what your secret is. And you can tell them: Two words. Self-confidence!
Healing Is a Life-long Journey
Don’t be so hard on yourself if you feel you’re not moving fast enough or if you fall off the wagon and eat an entire pizza to yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? Every morning is like pressing the reset button. Remember that.
Your life is an incredible journey. Start to enjoy every moment of it and heal your life every day.
Peace and Blessings to you.